Michele The Awesome - Warrior from Minnesota. Our great congresswoman at large.
Jim The Magnificent - Warrior from South Carolina. Our great American Senator.
Nikki The Neon Knight - Our newest warrior from South Carolina currently battling for the governor's mansion in Columbia. After being fully knighted by Sarah the Great, she slayed Andre the Bauer in front of thousands, and with Sarah at her side, the two battled the good ole boy network and fought off a vicious smear campaign against her. She defeated her rivals handily and is positioned to take over the Republican Party in South Carolina. Gresham Barrett is weak having been defeated in the primary battle, but he still dares to battle the fearless Nikki.
The Fair and Balanced Media - Fox News (Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Greta Van Susteren, David Asman, Megyn Kelly, Dana Perrino) & some newspapers (e.g. Washington Times, NY Post)
The Heavy Artillery - Palinista Bloggers like Adrienne Ross, Ron Devito, Gary P. Jackson, Jedediah Bila and Rachelle Friberg. Radio talk hosts like Eddie Burke (Eddie is now battling for Lt Governor of Alaska against an evil insider named Jay the Ramras) and Tammy Bruce. Websites like Team Sarah, Texas4Palin and Conservatives4Palin. We also have conservative talk radio hosts like Laura The Sharp Angle, Sean The Great American, Mark The Great One and el Rushbo who recently stated that Sarah the Great should be elected president when we take back the shining city.
The Tea Party - A loosely organized, but fiercely powerful army of libertarians, conservatives and independents. They formed as the immediate opposition to Barack the Barbarian after he took control of the presidency.
The Ordinary Barbarians - Us, the American people who go to Tea Parties and want to take back our country, the shining city on a hill.
The Mama Grizzlies - Sarah Palin's army of female warriors fighting for political seats throughout the land.
Others - Chris the Christie, brutal warrior governor of New Jersey. Ken the Compass, attorney General from the stronghold of Virginia now led by Bob the General McDonnell.
-Strengths: Large numbers and great leadership.
-Weaknesses: Out of power, leadership is spread out.
-Quick analysis: We have a deep bench of leadership. Our heavy artillery is strong and provides a counter balance to their edge in the mainistream media. However, because our leadership is more scattered wide and deep than top down and there are disagreements within the movement on who should lead from time to time. Sarah the Great is a phenomenal leader who can offset the enemy's control of power and the media when necessary, but without a title she is still in exile. She will have to knock Barack the Barbarian out of the presidency to make the whole plan work.
-Strategy: Take ground slowly and deliberately. In 2009, we took over New Jersey governor, Virginia governor and Massachusetts senator, three key positions. We lost a close battle in NY's 23rd Congressional district. In 2010, the battle will be wider, with House and Senate positions up for grabs. Currently, major battles for North Carolina governorship and the California Senate are shaping up with Sarah the Great playing a major role in supporting Nikki the Neon Knight and Carly the Killer. Eventually, the goal is to form a coalition of libertarians, fiscal conservatives, social conservatives and independents which will be big enough to storm the city on a hill and take it back completely.
The Enemy
Nancy Pelosi - The tyrant in the House of Represents who works with Barack the Barbarian in tearing our country apart. Michele the Awesome's arch nemesis.
Harry The Reid - The tyrant in the Senate. Jim the Magnificent's arch nemesis.
The Mainstream Media - MSNBC (Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow, Norah O'Donnell), ABC, CBS, CNN and a bunch of newspapers (e.g. New York Times, Washington Post)
The Heavy artillery - Evil Alaska bloggers like Jeanne Devon, Jesse Griffin and Celtic Diva. Radio talk hosts Shannyn Moore and Dan Fagan. Websites like The Huffington Post and The Daily Kos. They have National Public Radio.
The Elitists - those who oppose the Tea Partiers and Ordinary Barbarians in their effort to take back the shining city on a hill. Defenders of the status quo and business as usual in Washington. Joe the DeKlein, writer for Time and Creepy Joe, the spy who moved next door to the Palins.
The Brutes - The S.E.I.U. is considered one of the most vicious army of thugs in the land. They're slaying of a Tea Partier left a bitter taste in the mouths of the Tea Party which has vowed to defeat the union.
The Ewoks - Angry liberal feminazis who formed to fight the Mama Grizzlies.
-Strengths: They hold power in the executive branch and legislative branch and are even strength in the judicial branch.
-Weaknesses: Alienating some of the people who voted for them is causing their numbers to dwindle.
-Quick analysis: In addition to holding power, they have many more outlets in the mainstream media and control the message. They possess the capability of getting around the Constitution when necessary. However, their heavy artillery is not as strong as ours and they have been losing support of the people.
-Strategy: Rule from the top down. Slowly dismantle the free market system and make the people more dependent on the government. They are trying to keep together a coalition of socialists, liberals and moderate Democrats, but their key to winning the battle in 2008 were independents who are now swinging to the other side. Their goal is to retain the White House in 2012 at all costs and prevent us from returning to the shining city.
The Story
The shining city on a hill has been taken over by radical socialists. Those who believe in freedom, the U.S. Constitution and the greatness of America have been cast out into exile. They were once a mighty people, capable of taking down world powers like Great Britain, Nazi Germany and The Soviet Union. They lived in the prosperous shining city on a hill which they built with their great leader Ronaldus Maximus. They enjoyed great prosperity until their leader became ill with Alzheimer's disease and eventually died. Without anyone to fill the void left after his passing, the people wandered leaderless.
During that time, the socialists continued to plot their takeover of the city. They brutally destroyed King George W. in a vicious campaign following his re-election in 2004. The people were becoming agitated. Some of them even joined the socialist resistance and helped build the ultimate disaster that was about to befall the shining city.
In 2008, a wildly popular demagogue, Barack the Barbarian emerged from the field of opposition leaders. He built a huge army and fed on the discontent the people felt with King George W. The Ordinary Barbarians, the Reaganites, could not choose a strong leader so they settled for John the War Hero, who had all kinds of trouble organizing the army and getting it strong enough to beat Barack the Barbarian.
However, John the War Hero called on Sarah the Great, Governor of Alaska to help him defeat the socialists. The Reaganites quickly embraced her as their leader and the one who would fill the void left after the passing of Ronaldus Maximus. Sarah the Great stormed into Minnesota and the Reaganites were re-energized. They cheered her arrival and believed in the shining city again.
But there was only 57 days left until the battle. As hard as they tried, the team of John and Sarah found that the "Great Media" had positioned themselves to help Barack advance. The socialist army was too strong - this time. David the Axelrod knew Sarah was a force to be reckoned with. So he and the Barack team made contact with local Alaskans to undermine her. They employed the help of local Alaskans Celtic the Diva, Harpie from Homer, Jesse the Immoral and Jeanne the Muckraker. They got Kim the Elton, an Alaska legislator to trump up charges that Sarah had abused her power and had the Great Media pound the story while ignoring stories about the forces of ACORN who were commiting electoral atrocities and paying bums off the street to join the Barack army by giving them cigarettes and housing.
Barack the Barbarian won major battles in key states which allowed him to gain control of enough electors to be named president. Tears filled Sarah's eyes as John the War hero conceded defeat. Sarah the Great was sent back to Alaska where she was brutally beaten and nearly killed by the forces of Barack. Legend has it that she lost weight and there were rumors that she was losing her hair. Nearly bankrupt and poltically destroyed, Sarah lashed out telling her supporters that "if I die, I die. I will not be told to sit down and shut up." She resigned her governship and devoted herself full time to defeating Barack the Barbarian. She had a score to settle.
While recovering from her war wounds, Sarah went into a self imposed exile where she wrote her memoir and hired a team of advisers to provide her with information on how Barack the Barbarian was conspiring to control more and more of the people. The people were turning on Barack and he needed to gain control of them. He did this by assuming control of their health care so that life and death decisions would now be in the hands of a government panel, which Sarah the Great called "The Death Panel."
This outraged Barack the Barbarian who told his people not to get "wee wee'd up" about Sarah. He reminded them of how they had overcome her after becoming rattled when she first hit the national scene a year earlier. But it was clear at this point that she remained a bitter rival of his and that the efforts to destroy her had not worked.
Arianna the Huffer, Al the Green Gorer, George Move-on, and John the Flip Flopper (he lost the battle to take the shining city from King George W in 2004) teamed up with the Keith the Bathtub Boy, Rachel the Maddow, and Chris the Leg Thrill of the Great Media along with the local Alaskans to try again to destroy Sarah. Only this time, she was too strong.
Sarah was ambushed by John the Flip Flopper, Barbara the Boxer and Al the Gorer after taking the socialists to task over a proposed law to control the people by taxing them for their energy consumption. But instead of withering, she looked like Xena, the Warrior Princess, defeating all three of them at the same time in keyboard to keyboard combat. Then she was blind sided by a traitor from her own side, Arnold The Governator, a mighty and fierce warrior. She beat him, too.
The Reaganites, now known as Tea Partiers called on leaders like Jim the Magnificent and Michele the Awesome to battle the likes of Rahm the Dead Fish and David Axelrod of Evil. Princess Pelosi, ruler of the House spearheaded the use of back room deals and thuggery to successfully thwart the efforts of Scottus Maximinus, a new warrior from Massachussetts sent to Washington by the Tea Partiers to bring down Barack's effort to take over health care.
The best the socialists could do was to throw eggs at the armor as the Tea Partiers came to town. Harry the Reid had lost all his supporters after they were disenchanted with the health care law he helped enact. It was a huge victory for the Tea Party and Sarah the Great who gained credibility among the people despite the Great Media's attempt to portray her and the Tea Party as an unorganized angry mob.
The socialists accused Sarah of escalating the violence after she posted a map of 20 key target districts that needed to be taken. An army, now known as the Tea Party Express, embarked on a campaign that will take them to Boston, where Sarah the Great will speak to them again. All armies of the resistance plan on converging on Washington where they will take up positions in preparation for a must win battle in November.
The Tea Partiers must take back the Capitol building in 2010 and the White House in 2012 if they are to be successful in gaining control of the city. Losses in either battle could spell doom for the city on a hill, which would then be cast into a 1,000 years of tyranny and socialist darkness.
In the meantime, Ken the Compass and other great legal leaders are planning to plea the people's case before the Supreme Court, but that may not happen until 2014.
Most recently, Sarah the Great supported Carly the Killer to take on Barbara the Boxer and the battle is set. She also introduced us to Nikki the Neon Knight. When Nikki was beseiged by ruthless enemy knights claiming to have deflowered her, Sarah rode in and fought side by side with her and they defeated the nemeses. Nikki was alone in a room with enemies all around her and she thrust her sword with a clean skewer right through Andre the Bauer. The kingdom of South Carolina was impressed and helped her destroy her enemies. Only one remained weakly standing. She has to duel him in two weeks. It should be easy.
We pray for victory and Sarah the Great. Never forget the tears she cried when Barack the Barbarian took over the city on a hill. Rally for battle. We're going to take it back!
Stay tuned for more as the Battle For America continues.
